There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Randomize
