Joe is yelling at the trees again.
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
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