Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
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