It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
