i barfeds in our rink
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
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