So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
Getting drunk in a different country is not a good idea. Lets just say spanish women, 17 yr olds from missouri, prostitutes, and a poodle. I don´t want to leave spain.
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
