Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
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