matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
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