She has some nice fakeys. She is also an exotic entrepreneur.
this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
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