his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Randomize
