I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize
