i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
Randomize