eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
This gyro tastes like lonliness
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
