I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
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