Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
Randomize
