So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
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