i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
Maybe he injected his testicle?
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
Randomize
