I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
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