last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
