u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Randomize
