Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
I just found puke in my bra..
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
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