At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
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