I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Randomize
