tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
Randomize
