Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
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