Plan B is the new Plan A
You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
