The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
So much rum. So many feels.
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
I'm experimenting with sincerity
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
Randomize
