I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
Randomize
