Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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