allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize
