I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
Randomize
