all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
The power of my boobs compel you
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Randomize
