You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
Randomize
