Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
Randomize
