How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
Randomize
