So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
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