come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
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