the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
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