After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
Randomize
