i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
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