I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
Randomize