I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
Randomize
