I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
Randomize
