I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
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