can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
Randomize
