GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
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