two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
All the doctor said was why
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
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