i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
Im part way to drunk.
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Randomize
