i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
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