Why does Corona taste like a burp?
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
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