Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
I touched a dick in church today
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
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