btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
Randomize
