You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
