Nicole vs. Life
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
