Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
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