she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
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