i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
Im just a social blackout drinker.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
Randomize
