So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
Randomize
