is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
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