You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
But i did once see a show where a women was homeless and installed a stove in a school bus so she and her baby could live there since all the seats were taken out. As far as being homeless goes it didn't look half bad...So this is me promising to you that if i ever am living in an abandoned school bus...i will at least pimp it out with a stove so you can come over for dinner sometimes
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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