The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
Randomize
