dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
Randomize
