dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize
