apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Randomize
