Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
Randomize
