Christians are straight up FREAKS
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
I could make wine with my vomit
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
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