I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize