obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
Randomize
