Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize