I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
ps... at the end of one of the videos you yell "let's do the eiffel tower again.. i'll be in the middle!" .. i almost died lolol
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
Randomize
