she is the kim kardashian of front butts
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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